Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Finding "ME"

Being a military spouse comes with many responsibilities and tough decisions. My husband and I have been married for eight years and have three beautiful children. I love my family more than words can express, but at times I have found myself searching for a little time to find myself. Sometimes between three children's boo boos and busy schedules, PCSing, and deployments, I felt I had lost who I am. I know I am a mom and a wife, but where is "ME".

I decided many years ago that I would seek out a working career where I could be separated from being "Mommy" and just be seen as an individual. I worked hard, long hours just to realize that even after a long day at work, I was still responsible for all the household and family responsibility when I walked through the door at night. I was still responsible to become mom and dad when deployments were knocking at the door. I still wanted my career because at the time I believed that was what defined "ME" as a person.

In my career, I advanced rapidly. A lot of responsibility was given to me and I felt important. I was becoming "ME" or so I thought. I did not realize at the time in discovering "ME" that in return I was loosing a part of "ME" as well. My family life was slowing dissolving.

I was no longer able to participate in my child's activities, I was no longer maintaining the house as I should, I was no longer cooking dinner and having family time, and my family was not receiving the presence of their mother. The part that made me realize that I had to make a choice in my career or my family is when my husband knew more about our children's lives than me.

Then, I realized what I had been searching for all along was in front of me. My children, my family, my husband, and my lifestyle is "ME". Now, I am not saying that I do not need the extra time to myself to regroup from the day, but I searched for myself through the wrong means. I decided to be the mom my kids deserved and be the person I was meant to be. A person who stands behind her husband through tough choices, a person who is on the side lines for her children being their #1 fan, the person who is up all night with her sick children comforting them, and the person who will always be the one my family can fully depend on.

Through all of this, I have found a way to work from home. I do not let this career consume my time away from my children, but I make sure that it works around my schedule. It is so nice to spend a day with my family, have family dinners, get to see my children get awards through their school, or just to take a walk. "ME" has been found through the eyes of my family, their smiles, and the soft whispers of "I love you, Mommy".